I was on a hospital table. Bright lights. Cold sheets.
A doctor’s voice, trying to sound calm.
Then I glanced at the ultrasound screen and saw something I didn’t want to see: the cord wrapped around her neck.
Everything moved fast. No epidural. Just intention.
And then … a scream: strong, piercing, sharp.
I knew right away, “She’s okay.”
I burst into tears before I even saw her.
When they placed Julia on my chest, still slippery, still screaming, something inside me collapsed — and something else locked into place.
It wasn’t fear.
It wasn’t logic.
It was certainty.
Not the loud kind. The quiet, irreversible kind.
I’m not going back!
Not to my attorney career — estate planning, courtrooms, deadlines, calendars that belonged to everyone else.
I didn’t have a plan.
I didn’t feel “ready.”
I didn’t know how it would all work.
But I knew this: if I walked away from this moment, from her — I would never forgive myself.
People love to say, “You’ll know when you’re ready.”
That’s a lie. Because ready isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision.
A visceral one.
The kind that lands in your body before it ever reaches your brain.
You will never feel ready because ‘ready’ isn’t a feeling; it is a decision.
I didn’t feel brave. I felt clear.
Clear that no version of success would matter if I missed her becoming herself.
Clear that I could figure out the how later, but I couldn’t redo her childhood.
Clear that some decisions don’t come with reassurance… only truth.
And here’s what I’ve learned since:
The right decision rarely comes with calm first.
Calm comes after you commit.
You don’t wait to feel safe to choose.
You choose — and safety builds around the choice.
If you’re standing at the edge of something right now…
If you keep waiting for certainty, permission, or proof…
You may be waiting forever.
But if your body already knows, if something in you has gone quiet and steady —
That’s not fear.
That’s alignment.
And you don’t need to explain it to anyone!
Things I’m still obsessed with right now:
• JV Hearts Collection. (Obsessed!)
• This body scale. (Works like a DEXA scan, but at home. And it’s on sale too, 35% off.)
• This hair regrowth supplement. (It actually works. I literally have a halo of new hair I now have to tame when I film.)
• This collagen peptide powder. (Not going to lie, it tastes horrid, so I mix it with this Glow Immune Booster.)
• This South Korea Skincare Line. (Wow! So good for the money! Don’t start with PDRN 7,500, though; it is too potent.)
Ok, my sweet friend, did you enjoy it?
Hit ‘Forward and gift a friend a mid-week clarity kick—100 % legal, highly addictive (in the best way), and way more fun than keeping all the entertainment to yourself. (Side effects may include contagious clarity, spontaneous habit-forming, and an empowered mindset shift.)
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts,
Anya
P.S. If you want more real-life conversations like this, come listen to The Anya Garcia Show. It’s where I go deeper into parenting, mindset, and early years magic.
