This personal story explores the gap and the gain, showing how shifting focus from what’s missing to what’s present can instantly change your mindset and emotional experience.
There we were, 4,675 feet up on Whiteface Mountain, a view straight out of Narnia, and one of us was absolutely fuming.
Why? Because one tiny thing hadn’t gone as planned.
And even though we are having this amazing stay—curling on the Olympic ice rink, ice skating, staying at a gorgeous resort—there we were in this perfect scene, focusing on the one thing that had gone sideways.
That’s The Gain
And as we stood there, surrounded by this breathtaking winter panorama, I finally said,
“You know what? Let’s try something. Let’s not let this one mishap ruin the magic.”
Because here’s the thing …
So I suggested something simple. Almost annoyingly simple.
Name three things we could be grateful for. Right now. On this mountain.
Well, I definitely could name the big Instagram-worthy stuff like the view, the altitude, the snow-covered pines.
But the small things count too.
The way the freezing air kissed your face.
The warmth of the sun cutting through the cold.
The quiet realization that nothing hurts, all your limbs are working, and in this exact moment… you’re okay.
That’s the shift.
Same place. Same situation. One different thought.
And remember: you can only have one thought at a time.
You don’t get to live in gratitude and resentment simultaneously.
Your mind doesn’t multitask emotions the way you think it does.
The moment you choose appreciation, bitterness loses its grip.
The moment you stay stuck on what went wrong, everything else fades into the background—even the good stuff that’s right in front of you.
That choice is always available.
Want to be miserable? Your choice—just focus on what’s missing.
Want to be happy? Easy too—focus on what’s already here.
The Gap and the Gain Book by Dan Sullivan
This idea is called the Gap and the Gain, introduced by Dan Sullivan in his book.
It’s simple—and brutal.
We get so fixated on what didn’t happen that we completely discount everything that did.
And the moment we named it, something shifted.
We laughed, looked around, and actually saw where we were. The memories outweighed the hiccup. The gain eclipsed the gap.
That’s your quiet New Year’s nudge.
As you step into this year, notice where you’re measuring yourself against what’s missing instead of what’s already been built.
Because sometimes, all it takes is one mental pivot to turn a good moment—or a good life—into a great one.
With all my love,
Anya
P.S. If this idea of choosing your thoughts resonates, you’ll love this episode. I share how I met the legendary Linda Clemons, how I navigated intense stage fright, and all the good, the ugly, and everything in between—plus how I stopped letting negative thoughts live in my head rent-free.
🎧 Listen here
Want more stories like this?
Tune into The Anya Garcia Show for raw, real, heart-led episodes on motherhood, mindset, and reclaiming your fire.
ICYMI [In Case You Missed It]
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- 20: The Power of Words: How Language Shapes Your Child’s Identity
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